What is Parental Alienation? 10 Things to Watch For

In a divorce or separation, Parental Alienation—turning your children against your ex—though maybe understandable, is never acceptable.

Divorce can be traumatizing. Nearly every aspect of your life can change in a short amount of time—financial, emotional, social, and, of course, your relationship with your former partner. Then there are elements that can make divorce or separation even harder, such as infidelity, abuse or domestic violence, marital debt, adverse effects on your finances or lifestyle (especially if caused by a partner’s waste), or just the need to support two households with the same income that supported one.

To complicate matters further, if your ex has a new partner, a whole new set of issues can arise, including concerns (justified or not) for the mental and physical well-being of your children.
   

What is Parental Alienation?

An all-too-common byproduct of divorce is the denigration of one parent by the other. It’s an understandable, human fault. You may be angry. You may want to get back at your ex. You may feel like you’re left with no choice, you’re acting in self-defense, or you’re protecting your children or preparing them for inevitable disappointment.

Attempting to turn your children against their other parent is called Parental Alienation. As a practicing matrimonial attorney, I continually come across it, even as inattentive or unconscious behavior. It usually manifests as:

1. Reacting negatively if a child recounts positive feelings or activities with the other parent
2. Unnecessarily sharing of intimate and financial details of the marriage and blaming problems on the other parent
3. Encouraging ill feelings toward the other parent
4. Advising the children against listening to or obeying the other parent
5. Unreasonably contradicting the other parent
6. Frequent verbal altercations during pickups and drop-offs
7. Badmouthing the other parent’s significant other
8. Scheduling events, parties, and other activities during the other parent’s time
9. Prohibiting a child from contacting the other parent at any time
10. Withholding information about the children from the other parent

If any of this describes your behavior, or if you’re in any way considering behaving this way, I strongly advise that you don’t. It’s harmful to your children and, legally, harmful to you.