Bulldozer Parenting: When Helping Isn't Helpful

In 2019, Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman were indicted for paying thousands of dollars to fix test scores and create fake athlete profiles for their daughters to secure their admission to top U.S. universities as part of the College Admissions Scandal. These days, it’s not uncommon to hear about a parent trying to coerce a teacher to raise her daughter’s grade or to see a fourth-grade science fair project that was clearly done by a 40-year-old. These over-involved parents are both examples of bulldozer parenting, and professionals believe their behavior is getting in the way of their children’s success. 

What is a Bulldozer Parent?

A bulldozer parent is someone who goes above and beyond to make their child’s life easier, according to Victoria Turner Turco, founder and president of Turner Educational Advising. While parents almost always have the best intentions when helping their kids succeed, their tactics can often cross ethical or even legal boundaries, like in the instance of Operation Varsity Blues (the college admissions scandal of 2019).

This trend likely started in the 1980s: When the country faced a heightened fear of stranger danger, parents began more closely organizing and monitoring their kids’ activities, according to Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult and former dean of freshmen at Stanford University. 

Playdates became popular—instead of letting kids run around outside with neighborhood friends, parents were more present and involved in their kids’ social lives.

“It’s like a snowball running downhill,” says Turner Turco, who wrote about preparing students for post-college life in 2019 for LINK for Counselors Magazine. “Once parents started organizing their children’s play, it wasn’t much longer until they were involving themselves in their children’s play.” 

Soon parents were choosing what instruments and sports the child should play, what hobbies they should have, what extracurriculars they should participate in, and of course, homework.  

Lythcott-Haims told The New York Times that while she was at Stanford, she saw students rely on their parents to set up “play dates” with other college students. “The point is to prepare the kid for the road, instead of preparing the road for the kid,” she says.

When Has it Gone Too Far?

The problem with parent’s extreme efforts to ensure their child’s success is, it inevitably makes the child helpless, according to Turner-Turco. While no parent wants to see their child struggle, it’s important for kids to learn how to face failure, says Julie Morison, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and owner and director of HPA/LiveWell.