Hey Google! Can You Teach My Kid Some Manners…Please?

"Just Google it," my husband said when, last year, I asked him what day of the week Christmas fell on. Before I could whip out my phone and start typing, I heard my 5-year-old say, “Hey Google, what day is Christmas this year?” 

This is our life these days. We were recently gifted a Google Assistant, or Google Home device, an internet-connected speaker that does everything from play music to sync our calendars to answer any question, no matter how random. Within seconds Google replies with an answer, and we are on to the next thing. No “thank you” needed—it is, after all, a virtual assistant that’s plugged into our wall. But it didn’t escape me that if my husband had answered the question, I would have at least tossed a “Thanks, babe,” his way.

This got me thinking about my kids. They are absolute sponges, picking up new phrases and mannerisms every day—from TV shows, videos on their iPad, and me and my husband. I, of course, want them to be polite and considerate kids who grow up to be polite and considerate adults. I started to wonder: Should I make them say “thank you” to the tech device that sits on top of our family desk? Amazon’s Alexa, Google Home, and Apple’s Siri will answer any question regardless of whether it’s asked politely. Kids can even be intentionally rude to the device, calling it a “jerk” or “stupid,” with no repercussions of hurt feelings or a scolding from Mom or Dad. However, it is a device, not a person, so I find myself torn on this issue.

Technology and Our Society

I’ve heard many times throughout the years that technology is ruining our social interactions. In fact, it’s contributing to the lack of empathy we see online—especially with kids and teens. 

“When social media relationships replace real-time, real-life, in-person human relationships, problems arise…That’s because when interacting with others from behind a keyboard, the communication rules are different—easier…You can say what you want without having to witness firsthand the emotional fallout of poor choices or unkind words, even those that are misspoken,” according to “Is Technology Dehumanizing Our Society?,” an article published on dialogmagazine.com.

This lack of human interaction is the norm these days. Internet trolls run rampant. I hardly know anyone who prefers talking on the phone rather than texting. And now, with these in-home devices, tech is literally everywhere. But even if this is the norm, should it be?

The Pros of Home Tech Devices

Paulina R., a mom from Forest Hills, isn’t too worried about the social side effects that smart home devices may have on her kids. “The benefits far outweigh the potential drawbacks,” she says. “My kids use our Alexa like a modern-day library. They absorb so much information from that little machine, it’s incredible.” 

Meanwhile, Manhattan mom Vanessa McDaniels has found another advantage to her family’s Google Home device. “When my two boys get into an argument over who wants the iPad or who gets to pick the family movie, we ask Google to flip a coin,” she says. Arguments are settled in mere seconds, which makes for a much more peaceful household.

Similarly, many parents of children with special needs praise virtual assistants such as Alexa and Google Assistant. “While on the one hand kids using Alexa may develop an attitude, there are also ways that creators, such as myself, are using Alexa to help children lead better lives,” says Daphne Mallory, a virtual reality screenwriter and producer. She recently developed the Alexa skill Autism Help, which is designed to help parents teach social, verbal, and functional skills to children with autism. “It may be easier and less stressful for children on the autism spectrum to interact with Alexa and learn skills, than solely with a parent or other adult,” she explains. “That’s the benefit of voice interface technology and how we can use Alexa in a positive way.”

The Cons of Home Tech Devices

Even with the best of intentions, though, parents can find themselves at odds with their kids’ behavior when it comes to these devices. McDaniels is a bit worried about how their smart device may affect the way her children act outside the house. “The Google Home device answers our kids whether they are rude or not,” she says. “I’m concerned that this might get repeated with a family member or even a teacher one day.” And McDaniels recently caught her 6-year-old son Connor hitting the device when it didn’t understand his question. “We talked to him about his behavior and explained that that’s not how we treat things in our house,” she says. “But there was this thought in the back of my head that even though this behavior is totally unacceptable, we were essentially talking about something inanimate.”