Reflections of a (Not So) ‘Very Cool Dad’

I was in the grocery store with my kids recently, and in an effort to get them to take a break from trying to kill each other long enough for me to check out, I decided to ask them directly: “Please take a break from killing each other so I can check out.” It didn’t really work, but it did catch the attention of a young woman passing by, who turned to me with a big smile and told me I was a “very cool dad.” Of that I am not sure, but the interjection was enough to somehow silence my kids long enough to allow me to pay and flee. Mission accomplished.

Of course, my first instinct was to figure out how I’d write about the anecdote. That’s what we journalists do, and for the past seven years—the last two-plus at NYMetroParents—my career, and my passion, has focused on parenting magazines and websites. Now, as I say goodbye to the beat and begin a new chapter, I am feeling wistful but am also looking forward to my return to being a parenting civilian rather than a professional. 

When people hear I work in parenting media, they tend to ask for the best piece of advice I’ve learned, or make some comment about how I must be a great parent because of my job. Underlying the question or comment is the assumption that there is some Secret to Perfect Parenting lying somewhere waiting to be unlocked. Of course, there is not, and the articles I’ve published would never claim there is. Ask me instead about the safest way to put a baby to sleep or whether kids’ allowance should be dependent on doing their chores, and then we can have an in-depth conversation.

Parenting media, like parenting itself, is usually focused on the micro and the mundane—on solving the specific challenge or achieving the unique goal of the moment. In short, it strives to aid in the day-to-day struggles and adventures of modern parenting, rather than propose a Perfect Parenting Plan. That said, I have picked up a few lessons here and there, from the content I’ve edited and my own decade of experience as a parent. What are those? Here are just a few highlights:

1. Kids’ moods will change in a heartbeat. The child throwing an epic tantrum will shrug it off and move on, while the siblings at war will suddenly be playing and laughing together—all while we adults continue to fume and shake, feeling the effects of the conflict long after our kids have forgotten about it. There is a saying about certain cities that if you don’t like the weather, wait a little while and it will change; so, too, for kids’ moods and behaviors. If you have the wherewithal to wait it out, this rough moment will certainly pass.