How to Talk to Your Kids About Racism

The Black Lives Matter movement is not new, but this might be the first time your child is old enough to have questions about what’s happening in the news or how he can help. And, it’s never too early to talk to your kids about racism, race, and current events. Experts are here with strategies for starting a conversation, fostering empathy, and helping your kids create change. See the end of this piece for resources to help educate yourself and your kids, take action, and push for change and justice.

Meet your kids where they are. Ask them what they understand about what’s going on and build a conversation around that.

When Kenneth Braswell returned home from protesting the death of Freddie Gray in Baltimore in 2015, during which he had been depicted on CNN, his 6-year-old son immediately asked him why he was in the same space as all the police and troops. 

“He’s six years old, has some sense of what’s taking place, that something is not right about that. He’s heard us in our household talk about police and the narrative around police and Black boys, which he is,” Braswell says. “He was aware of what was going on and maybe even thought I was in danger or in trouble.”

Braswell is CEO of Fathers Incorporated and author of Daddy There’s a Noise Outside and other books about the rise of Black Lives Matter. He explains that kids are aware—from a young age—of race, maybe more aware than we think they are. But they can still have questions. Meeting your child where he is developmentally and making the situation easy for him to digest can help him understand concepts like protesting and police brutality.

“I had an answer [to my son’s question], but I didn’t have a six-year-old answer. And so I decided to talk to him about what was happening, but not why it was happening. At six years old, he didn’t need to know Freddie Gray’s name. He didn’t need to know the history of racial tensions in this country. He needed to be explained the situation in the moment that he was living in,” Braswell says. He explained that people were protesting for Freddie Gray because they did not agree with how Baltimore leaders were handling the situation and voicing their opinions—and that protesting is just one way to voice an opinion.

Concrete examples help kids understand concepts as well. Braswell gave his son an example of what a protest is by explaining how his son would probably react if Braswell asked him to do homework instead of play. His son immediately understood—and this conversation helped inspire Braswell to write Daddy There’s a Noise Outside to help more families have these conversations.

Annette Nunez, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and founder of Breakthrough Interventions, also advocates for asking your older kids about what they know about current events and using their understanding to spark a conversation.

“Have some of those difficult, uncomfortable conversations. Start asking: Do you feel like you’re racist? Why? How do you feel when you’re around people who look different than you? And why is it that you feel that way?” Dr. Nunez says.

It can be difficult to know how to start a conversation, Braswell adds. The most important thing to do is start one.

“Parents: Do not shy away from hard conversations,” he says. “Once you start the conversation, you will figure out what to say. But be transparent. Don’t be in protective parent mode.”

Acknowledge that racism exists and confront your own biases.

Children as young as 3 are aware of differences in skin color, according to Reena B. Patel, LEP, BCBA, licensed educational psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst. But no matter how old your child is, one of the first steps in having a conversation about race is acknowledging racism exists, Dr. Nunez says. “It’s okay to talk about race and that racism exists. Don’t brush things under the rug. When we do ignore the problem and act like everything is okay, what we’re saying to children is that people of color are not being seen and not being heard.”

Beyond acknowledging that racism exists, continue to encourage your child to play with, watch, listen to, and engage with characters and stories that look different than her. Oftentimes we see “different” as “bad,” Dr. Nunez says, but in talking to your child, redefine difference as good. This will help her develop compassion and kindness and help everyone learn. Furthermore, you can talk to her about how injustices and inequalities feel so she develops an understanding of how other people live, which will further encourage empathy.

One of the most helpful things you can do for your child is confront your own biases, Dr. Nunez continues, and be mindful of your words. For Nathan Chomilo, M.D., a pediatrician and Minnesota’s Medicaid medical director, parental reflection is paramount.

“You have to be actively anti-racist. In teaching our children to be anti-racist we have to look at our own histories,” he said in a Common Sense Media panel entitled Helping Kids Process Violence, Trauma, and Race in a World of Nonstop News on June 2. “[Kids are] noticing differences in how people are treated based on the color of their skin. Talking about how you may be explicitly or implicitly sending messages about race is important.”