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Determine if the crush is mutual.
Suppose your daughter likes a boy in her class. After you explore what she's going through, ask about whether she thinks the boy feels the same about her. If she doesn't think that he likes her in that way, explain that it's important to respect his feelings. You can say something such as, "I know you like Josh, but you shouldn't try to make him like you, because he might feel uncomfortable and that's not how real friends treat each other." By the same token, if a boy has a crush on your daughter but she doesn't share his feelings, let her know that it's okay not to want to be his girlfriend.
Set boundaries.
While crushes often never amount to more than writing notes to each other or hanging out at recess together, some kids may want to hold hands or kiss on the cheek. Experts generally agree that these physical behaviors have nothing to do with sexuality at this age. "Kids are just starting on a path of putting together the ideas of love, physical feelings, and connection," says Lisa Spiegel, cofounder of Soho Parenting in Manhattan. But it's smart to talk about boundaries. "You can tell your child that it's okay to play together at school but not to kiss," says Dr. Langtiw.
Heal hurt feelings.
Early infatuations usually don't last long—and most kids get over them quickly. However, your son may be hurt if a classmate says she doesn't want to be his "girlfriend" anymore. "Ask him how he feels about it," suggests Dr. Lagattuta. "Then point out all his great qualities and the other friends he has." It's also helpful to mention some of your experiences from childhood so your child realizes that what he's going through is perfectly normal.
Rachel Aydt is a freelance writer and journalism teacher at NYC's The New School. She lives in Manhattan with her husband and young son. The above article originally appeared in "Parents" magazine.
